morbid-sity

hmm... which is more tragic :

No.1--> to be in your dream job and with the person you love most and then find out that you have terminal disease

OR..

No. 2--> to be in a crap job, be alone cz someone just dumped you, and then, find out that you have terminal disease

I know, its kinda morbid to have that kind of thought. . . its like.. sheesh! what's wrong with this person.. has she gone bersek or what? but anyway, its just a thought that went by my head today when i was on the NEL, on my way home. I wonder which is more cruel. we may say the second one, but then, not really - the first one's cruel too, if not worse. Its, like a sad joke that's played out in the ultimate playwright personified as Irony.

Well, at least for the 2nd, you're in sh*t.. and, when sh*t happens, it does happen/come in all shapes and sizes.. huge ones too, i might add. It never just rains, it pours. Man! how true is that ??? Just have to accept - anyway, its a trashy life, it doesn't really matter to add another one more to the long list.As for the 1st - o, sad old ironic born loser. Its just tough luck mate that things turned out that way.

What brings to mind is what the ancient japanese do... they just laught it off - be it embarassment, awkwardness, or, even sadness. I don't know how true this is - i read this from the book Shogun. They've got strange ways of handling things don't they ? but, i think its pretty effective. What else can we really do in such a situation ? We can only complaint, shake our fists at heaven, hell and men.. and what have you-s for only that long. After all that, we still need to move on.. ya, even for the terminally ill. Hey, there's still loads of time after all that fist shaking and that verbal abuse one can come up with, you know.

feeling horrible still.. yes, since the weekends - feeling as if its for eternity. i think i'm in a situation where i feel that i'm caught in-between..but.. well.. *shrugs* its not as bad as compared to the 2 situations mentioned above. maybe my subsconcious mind's telling me that things aren't as bad as it seems, so, quit whinning and do what you have to do.

anyway. . . another more down to earth ponder - have you ever loved something so much that although you know that you have to give it up for the better, but you just can't ? I remembered that as a child, i use to love this blue block (yes-yes-boy-color.. i'm not all so girl anyway) toy very much, but i had to give it up cz its giving me splinters every time when i play with it. I had to throw it out; as much as i didn't want to. Well.. many such occasions played out in this same tune along in life, just different articles. I wonder if i can just throw this one out as i did to that blue block, hard as it may seem. it was tough then, but i did it. It was something that i had to do, something that i needed to do, though not something that i wanted to do.

well - the blue block's gone now... and everything went on well after that.. i bet if the blue block's human, it'll probably be thankful that i threw it out instead of getting pushed beneath the rest of the toys. and just maybe, it's probably forgotten about me now.