I've read the book Chasing the Dragon by Jackie Pullenger - the one book that inspired my life and worked out the stoniness from the compassion within me. [
well, its not exactly true that i've got loads more of compassion for another being compared to the rest of my peers of course] It is an autobiography of a young english lady who went to Hong Kong in the 60s with only $100 HK dollars in her pocket - her only motivation - she wanted to be a missionary, and no christian organisation will take her in. And, this isn't a fiction by the way.
At this point, if you're thinking that this entry is going to be churchy-long-and-religious, well, that's true. Yes, it will be long. Churchy and religious, maybe. But, this entry is about the life of a person who cared and have somehow taught me insights in my life, and in my own "christian living".
She is someone who cared enough, unlike other christians who sit in nice, fancy churches, singing nice-sounding worships that have complicated bands and stage setups. It talks about one person, who wants to give something to the poor when she has nothing. She did it out of her heart, and not because she wanted that person to be 'converted to christianity', nor, was she a soul hunter who seeks souls to be saved and have that 1 more notch on her battle belt to be applauded by.
It was during Saturday that I attended Jackie Pullenger's conference. The topic : Ministry to the Poor. I am very certain after attending the conference that the title is definately one that the church have come up with. Jackie hated the word ministry, to her, it is a way of life, and attitude of the heart.
The topic wasn't at all relevant to me in my present stage in life - being indulgent with my own family activities. However, something just spurred me to sign up for the conference. Besides, she's my "favourite christian" since I was 14.
I read her book and I loved it - it touched my heart - I grew up believing that is how christians should behave. However, after so many years, I was beginning to believe that I was deluded - my heart-felts and what i believe in, was disapproved by cell groups, by youth pastors, by 'fervent' christians in general. They didn't agree that caring was all that is required. They believe that we need to grow in numbers, and bring in more people to believe in God as possible. My principals in christian living was frowned at and not accepted. It was unorthdox and held the character of one who have backslidden. [
* backslidden = far away from God, unfervent] My believes and my attitude wasn't condorned - my cell members whispered behind my back ... I don't attend church anymore....
But somehow, when I knew Jackie Pullenger was coming - I was excited. I signed up without knowing what she's talking about. And, I am glad.
Ok.. enough of myself for now - I'll break at this section to give a brief on Jackie's story :
Here's a brief write up on Jackie Pullenger :
http://www.rejesus.co.uk/the_story/saint/saint5/1_story.htmlFor some background - at 22 years old, she set her focus on sailing to Hong Kong to speak to the poor there. [Yes, set sail - pls do not be surprise - this is in the 60s]. Her first experience were heartfelt. Through her contact, a lady whom Jackie describes as a probable angel, she made her first visits to the Walled City.
One of her first visits there, was to a family of 9 girl child, a father who chases the dragon and a mother who is expecting, hoping that the unborn child is a boy. The mother was not even 30 years of age then. Without earning much, the family was always hungry. What little money they had, the father has used it up to keep his drug habit.
When Jackie visited the family, the children were so shy, and did not dare to look at her. Their home-bed was so small that they couldn't hide, and all they could do to avoid Jackie, was to sat and try to face the wall. Back facing her. Their home consisted only of a huge bed. They ate, played, slept together all in that bed space.
The mother was sitted at the bed, and Jackie started chatting. They chatted for a whole afternoon - and it ended with a prayer.
When they have finished their prayer, Jackie started to cry - the family were in dire straits. They needed more then a prayer. They needed more then someone sitting there, chatting to them. She was contemplating to buy a tin of rice, but she knew that - if she did that, the father would have taken the tin and sold it to get money to buy drugs. Besides, she hadn't had enough money to buy a tin of rice. In the end, she decided to buy 1 'lap-cheong' (chinese sausage) - at least, they could divide the sausage up and each child would have a little of it.
After doing that, Jackie's heart was still in turmoil - they needed more then a prayer and a tiny lap cheong, to make their problems go away. They needed much more, and she wasn't able to give anything anymore. She turned to the mother and said " I am so, so sorry. I am not able to make your pain go away. All I can offer is only a small prayer and a little meat"
The mother smiled at young Jackie and said to her, "Its alright dear. When you leave, Jesus will come in and sit on my bed with me" - It made me weep. It made Jackie weeped. [
of course, these all went on in Cantonese. Jackie spoke flawless cantonese now. But during her early days, she was in lanuage school taking classes]
Jackie related stories on how she met up with 1 boy who was addicted to opium who kicked the habit. She had advise him, not to go near the opium den - flee from temptation. The very next day, the same boy shared with her the amazing strength that God has provided him with when he was in the opium den.
Yes, wasn't he suppose to stay away from the opium den??? -- Well, yes, in our own minds we though that we should. But, how can the man not go to the opium den? ... ... Why not? Especially if the den was his home. Jackie was surprised and kicked herself. Why did she not know? With this, she realise that not only do you care during "meetup" sessions - you care with your own life. Not only did Jackie shared her time, she shared her life - by telling this boy that he could stay at her home.
That was went all the problems started.
One boy started to knock on her door asking "where is this jesus, I want to meet him" - then, another one came, and another, and another.
What happen was, the first boy was walking in the streets one day and met one of his frens who he had once chased the dragon with. The fren gasped "You are fat!!!! How did you get fat?" - The fact was, when they were users, they were usually skinny to the bone, as firstly, they had no money for food. All forms of cash and valuables were used to buy drugs. Secondly, users tend to have no appetite for food at all.
The boy replied "I met Jesus"
Having mention that, the fren wanted to know this person. Knowing that it is nearly impossible to come off drugs at all. It has a very strong source of power and determination that manage to get the boy off drugs.
In that fashion, more and more people came knocking on Jackie's door.
During the conference, there were people whom she brought out of drug addiction, told us about their lives in brief. They have the same storyline - they have gone into rehab several times until they were acquainted with Phun-siew-jie. (Jackie)
Jackie cared for these people - she wasn't out to hunt for souls. She has shared that, in the course these 40-years of which she set foot in HongKong, she has helped and cared for people who, went back to their ways. However, she didn't loose heart - she said in the earlier years, she felt she's used up all of her heart constantly and could not continue anymore in caring for others. She wanted to give up. This was the story she shared on how her heart was all used up.
In her years in the Walled City, she has come to be really close friends with a prositute, who, as a little girl was sold to an older prostitute. She was unhappy and did not like the men that she was made to sleep with by her mistress, and hence, she ran away.
Jackie was so very worried and tried looking for her. To cut the long story short, this girl called Jackie one day, asking to meet up. Jackie was delighted, and went to another district across town to meet this young girl. The young girl was in debt due to gambling and asked Jackie for a thousand dollars. She said that if she didn't pay up, the triad leader will make her a 'snake' for a year. A snake, meaning, to work for him and all her earnings will go to him. But, Jackie doesn't have that kind of money, and could only offer a prayer.
During their little prayer while visiting, Jackie's Oboe came to mind. But she was unwilling to sell her precious oba. Instruments to musicians are a sacred, personal item. It is diffficult to give up. No - she will not. However, a few days after, Jackie was praying with some of her housemates at home. One young boy, who was just off drugs and unaware of what transpire with Jackie and her girlfren, told Jackie.
God has given His life up for you, what is an oboe to you?Of course, that was in plain obviousness what Jackie should do. And yes, an oboe does fetches quite a bit. Once she has sold her oboe, she took the money to the girl, and told her that she wanted to give it personally to her debtor known as Michael.
They arrange to meet in a tea house - and - instead of Michael, 2 mak-zai came to collec the money. Jackie demanded to meet Mak-Gor before she hands over the money. . . Strangely, at the end of it all, the mak-zais had to relent and gave her a phone number to call while they were at the teahouse. Jackie immediately made contact, and invited mak-gor to tea, but, he refused. He invited her to his den - on the 21st storey of some building. She agreed and pass the money to the mak-zais.
That evening, she made her way to mak-gor's place. She went into a dark area on the 21st storey of some building. She realise when she entered that there were many gold cages around with girls in them. A few well dressed men were sitting in expensive looking plush chairs and looking at the girls. Her feet were in 8-inches deep of carpet. [
wow! 8-inches... sure or not... hmmmm.] Anyway, she was brought to Mak-Gor.
Upon meeting, Mak-Gor squinted and laughed at Jackie - You foolish woman.You're wasting your money. You'll never get it back, he said upon seeing her.
Jackie smiled at Mak-Gor and replied him - Its ok. You see, because, someone named Jesus has given me his life for me previously. .
Upon saying that Mak-Gor was stumped and was silent for more then 10-minutes. He was not able to utter a word, a very different persona for someone of his statue and personality. He was said to be affluent in speech. However, for that instant, he was not able to respond to Jackie's statement. He started to weep.
In this 21st-storey 'sin city', the gospel was spoken - not as part of a conference, or, a staged John 3:16
(if you've not heard John 3:16 before, well, its was a brain child of the church to convey the gospel to none-believers in evangelistic events) ... no.... it was done as a statement of fact. Simply as anyone can put it, as matter of factly in plain simple words.
If you think Mak-Gor bowed on his knees and pray to be a christian then... no... he didn't. He came to accept Jesus 16-years later. Thatwas another different story to tell.
The end of this story goes this way - the young lady didn't change her ways - after her debt was paid, she disappeared once again. Rumours had it that she was again heavy in debt, and no one was able to make contact with her. Jackie tried to contact her, but she never was able to. Even to this day, she does not know her whereabouts and no one knows if she's still alive. While Jackie closed the story with those words, she weeped. Her heart was still sadden by it.
After a pause, Jackie crinched her eyes in a smile [
that's her habit - i find it weird initially, half way through the conference, I got so accustom to it that I found it an endearing expression from a sweet grandmother] She went on to say - she had poured out all her heart out for this dear friend of hers, yet nothing came out of it. She has lost all forms of contact with her and she wasn't able to be of any help any more at all. It was difficult in her heart to understand and she felt inadequate.
However, through this early chapter in her life in Hong Kong, she learn that when the person she helped didn't change as expected [that is converting that person to believe in Jesus], it doesn't matter, because, all that matters is that she gave her heart. It wasn't up to her actions to bring a person to Jesus - all we need to do is to care. Period.
It is most important to care. One who is poor in kind and poor in spirit are able to sense soul-hunters from a million miles. The poor doesn't want our pity, they don't want our money - all they want to know if we do really care.
To those of my friends who are christians and reading this - ask yourself this day - did you care for that friend you invited to that Good Friday event, or that Christmas event? Honestly, we don't have to wait for all these 'events' to turn up to show that we care. Its our daily chats, our mundaneness in play, in strife, in heartaches.
To my friends who are not christians, I apologise for us not caring - and all we wanted was to invite you to our fancy events. Made you come out of obligation to our church events and made you feel so out of place.
I do hope that the people of God might one day learn about caring for the poor - be it those who are poor in kind, or poor in spirit.
